My husband and I are both step parents. It's not an easy job, there are a lot of arguments, name calling, and all out fights....and that's just my husband and I....
I KNOW being a step parent isn't easy. In fact my husband and I are BOTH step parents to the same child. Our oldest son. My husband met Shane's mother when Shane was six months old. He and Shane's mother had a 9 year live in relationship and my husband was the only Dad Shane ever knew.
When Shane's Mom decided she wanted to end the relationship, she moved out, my husband just came home from work and a whole lot of stuff was gone...but Shane was still there. She left Shane there for several months and had no contact with him. Shane's mother tried to get my husband to adopt Shane, only because she wanted him to pay child support. My husband paid many of Shane's bills over the years, school clothes, braces, doctor bills that were not paid by insurance. Shane spent weekends and summers with my husband and everything was fine, my husband was his Dad and Shane was his son.
In fact, the first time I met my husband, he introduced me to his son, Shane. I actually had no idea he was his stepdad for a long time. Shane was 13 when I met his Dad and I had 2 other children. I can honestly say that 13 is not the best age to meet your future step child....13 is not a good time with your biological children!
Then Shane's mom started throwing up roadblocks and trying to cause problems. Once she knew I was in the picture and would probably stay, she tried to get Shane away from his Dad. I saw what she was doing and countered many of her objections. Then, having met Shane's mother I came home from work one day and sat down to talk to him. I told him that his mother was going to tell him that his Dad and my children and I were a family now, and we didn't want or need him anymore. I told him nothing could be further from the truth, that we were his family and we wanted him to stay as a part of our family. I gave him several examples of things his Dad and I had done to counter his mother's objections. A few minutes later, his mother pulled up in the driveway and honked for him. His mother sat in MY driveway and said the very words I had told him were coming that very same day.....he was livid!
Shane's relationship with his mom was often strained over the years. I won't say she was crazy, but she was crazy! But please don't think that MY relationship with Shane was all sunshine and roses. Since his Mom was crazy, my husband had overindulged him and looked the other way over many issues, (little did I know that this is actually my husband's parenting style, and I would pay for it all over again with our 4 children!)
When I came into the picture, I had rules....lots of them. I didn't expect anything more of Shane than I did my own children, and he knew that. My husband made many excuses for him that I ignored and Shane and I went backwards/forwards/sideways/and upside down on many occassions. There were times when I thought this young man was going to hate me forever!
Then, one day, when Shane was living in another state, he called me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. I was amazed and thanked him, then I hung up the phone and burst into tears! I actually called Shane back and told him how much it meant to me that he had called ME to say Happy Mother's Day.
Through the years Shane has lived in three states and he has kept in contact with my husband and I through phone conversations and pictures, cards and letters. Shane got married and has a daughter, our oldest granchild. And then Shane wanted to come home, with his wife and our granddaughter. So he settled in a small town just a few miles from our farm and we see him and his family on a regular basis. We celebrate holidays, birthdays, and sometimes just regular days together.
Shane does not speak to his mother anymore, although I have encouraged him to answer her calls or call her on more than one occassion. I ask about her every once in a while...he doesn't know how she is, she lives in Alaska now.
The point here is this....if you are a good parent, no matter the battles you have with your step kids, at some point they all grow up and realize who was there for them when they stumbled, who picked them up when they fell, who backed them up and forced them to do things they didn't want to do, but were in their best interests in the long run. They remember and someday they will surprise you with a phone call for Mother's Day or Father's Day or your birthday and you will know it was all worth it in the end!
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